


~Healing~

by Destinedsurvivor7



Series: Poetry [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 06:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destinedsurvivor7/pseuds/Destinedsurvivor7
Summary: Created during the process of coming off of 10 years worth of medication overdose....so much have had to re learn it wasn't funny...and still do.





	~Healing~

Living a life should not be full of hate and cry  
When you’ve lived your life hiding in the shadows behind another  
The being pushing her way above you to make you feel so beneath them

Every day felt a lie  
When all wanted to do was cry  
And burrow deep into the shadows I was meant to stay  
Because another being was in the way  
From gaining my way of life of how wanted to be so long ago

But hiding away in a locked cage  
It felt like a prison just being in rage  
I tried to be freed and live again  
But was shunned away those who thought who have freed 

I’ve tried to believe  
Life was free  
But knowing deep inside  
It’s a penalty 

I wanted to just swallow it whole  
And let it slide  
But deep inside  
I knew I was living a lie 

There should be no penalty for being your self  
For what you are meant to be against the world of zombies  
Breaking free away from the chains of defeat  
Is all wanted to do  
To be free

Life was a lie for a good 25 years  
Here alone in a house  
Living with people who only made your life hell

Thinking it was still okay to buy you things just for the sake of love  
But they didn’t realize that money doesn’t buy you happiness  
However, loving your family as it should have been  
Would have been glorious enough…

The things that I thought I took for granted  
Was something I thought I was always beating myself to death on the inside  
Fighting on the inside  
Knowing I should of rebelled  
Long ago…

Being ill minded and lost in the conscious for what felt like a century  
Is something never thought would of happened  
But after coming out of it  
I’ve noticed everything have been through  
Was a distraction all along for them to shun me away from the real world

However, I needed to see  
What life is really meant to be  
They hid me away from all its hidden mysteries  
Just to keep the mind at bay  
As the world was in whined with decay

I wanted to know what it felt to be real  
Not a fictional being from a story book  
I’m not someone that should be able to love all  
Especially when a lot have done me wrong 

I’ve wanted to learn everything I could  
While I still had a childhood  
I’ve never experienced what it felt like to have more than 1 emotion  
But to feel complied to have more than 3  
Especially the feeling of joy

They have said joy is the emotion a young child would have  
However, that would explain that childhood was never achieved  
Because I’ve never experienced what real joy was  
Until I was un-medicated and set free  
From a facility that kept me at bay 

Years of torment  
Just to feel defeat  
I’m not a being that would enjoy such a treasure  
But more dominate it  
By striving to be unlocked and feeling 

My mind is still being awaken  
24 ½ years of solid confinement  
And finally set free  
Of the summer of twenty fifteen 

The energy I’ve felt  
Is starting to rise  
From the ashes of my fallen old body  
Decayed for centuries

Yet feeling it shouldn’t be this way  
I could have had the childhood I’ve dreamt of  
When I was a baby 

But the childhood I’ve only had  
Was the feeling of being beaten and ripped away…  
And locked in a room  
Full of decay

The harsh storm is looking more like it’ll subside  
As I hope for my heart sake  
As I’ve witnessed it closing and becoming a stone  
While I’m unsure of myself  
Because being cold in the heart  
And closed in the mind 

Has started to make me realize  
That the people who have pointed the fingers  
And called me names  
And thrown me down  
With whatever they say

It is not true  
Of what I’ve been told  
The people I’ve been around  
In real life so far  
Only a few have ever told me  
“Never to give up”

When others have tried to make me see  
That giving up is true in its own words  
Because life is a mystery  
And you must never know the meaning 

The feeling of finally being cold on the inside  
Is not that I’m closing off from the world  
I’m only closing off to feel my wounds healing on its own  
When it should have been done in the first place 

The feeling of being cold  
Doesn’t mean you’re heart is black  
It just means you’ve been hurt for so long  
You’re feeling it is time to just  
Work on trust  
On the inside of your heart  
And follow a new path  
To understand 

Why you’ve felt so betrayed  
And beaten  
And scared for so long  
But the more you come to realize  
The more it starts to make sense

Push the toxic out of your body  
Believe you’re better  
Than the people that caused  
Such toxic in your life  
You’ve crumbled against the world 

Because you couldn’t handle the thought  
That your life was so meaning less

But these people lied to you  
Once you’ve heard the truth from the real truth seekers  
Life is not meant to be full of pain and sorrow  
It’s meant to have a closing  
And a new beginning

You’re only human  
If you believe you are  
Don’t follow those that know you’re beneath them  
Because the truth is staring you in the face  
You’re better than them  
You’re better than toxic

And you deserve so much better  
Than what your life has been

My heart is only cold  
And my mind is closed  
Only as I heal my wounds  
Of 25 long years

Due to I don’t want to seek pity  
Nor do I want to make people feel awful  
I want to learn that toxic  
Can even effect how you treat people

When your heart is full of toxic because of how your life has become  
It’s best to close up  
And start to understand  
Through meditation  
And channeling your emotions  
To become something greater  
Than a whirl wind of group conflict 

Then you end up stressed out  
To the point you can’t heal  
It’s best to realize  
When you need to kneel 

The rain will cool your broken heart  
The ice will work its way through the bridges of the holes left by others  
And your mind will start to channel

I’m not one for conflict  
And never was meant to cause one  
I’m only trying to heal  
As I gain control of things in my life  
So as I lay here

If I’ve caused such pain  
Just realize  
It’s not you  
It’s the toxic inside of me  
Calling out 

My mind needs rest  
And my heart needs to heal  
The only way to do so  
Is to close down  
And start to disappear


End file.
